sleep coupons | a method to the madness of getting my kids to sleep through the night

sleep.  an ongoing issue in my house for the last four years.  the twins have never really slept that great.. so then Baker came along and was sleeping through the night at 6 weeks and would go down like clock work at 7PM and not wake until well past 9AM once she hit a year old. I was floored by how well she slept because I thought all kids just sucked it up in the sleep department.  

as we approach year five with the twins things have progressively gotten worse and most recently its just been plain terrible.  no other words to describe it and I have never been so tired IN MY LIFE. an infant waking me a couple times at night is one thing but couple that with two other kids up and down for hours every night and I'm basically running on fumes.

I've been searching for ideas and ways to work through this stage with them, and much to my surprise its not just my kids going through this. a lot of other mamas have the same issues surrounding sleep and going to bed and staying in bed.

phew. 

 a couple weeks ago I had mentioned to a friend about these struggles and it happened that she had recently brought it up to her pediatrician and he mentioned that with his older kids he does sleep coupons.

SLEEP COUPONS?! 

collecting sleep coupons for getting in bed at night and staying all night will earn them one coupon and they can "spend" it however they please.

the method.

the biggest part about this method is offering the kids a real explanation about what to expect. allowing the girls to have control over their sleep habits with a reward has proven to be really beneficial! I roped Baker into this because she wants nothing more than to be included with the "big girls" and while I don't know if she will truly understand "saving" her coupons for something 'bigger' she has totally kept up with the concept since we started this about a week ago.

they each get a coupon before going to bed at night and they are allowed to keep the coupon as long as they go to bed without a fight and stay in bed all night. if they wake at all for something other than to use the bathroom (or they are puking.. I'll give them that. but only if they wake their dad first.) they have to hand over their coupon in the morning. I don't take the coupon away at night in the moment mainly because I don't want to cause a FREAK OUT fit.  so I wait to deal with that consequence in the morning. 

NIGHT #1:: on the first night Jolie woke just twice (normally its about 4+ times) and in the morning I talked her through her waking up and why I was going to be taking the coupon.  since it was the first night and a brand new concept, gave them a trial pass, but explained that if she woke me up the next night I would indeed take the coupon away.

NIGHT #2::  Parker fought me quite a bit about going to bed but after a gentle reminder that she was going to lose her coupon if she didn't settle down + lay down she chilled out pretty quick.  AND no one made a single peep all night!!  normally it takes at least an hour or longer for bedtime, but not this time.
NIGHT #3:: no fight at bedtime!  they got into bed after putting their coupon in their little box on their dresser and talked about what they were saving their coupons for.

it was SO CUTE how excited they were.

Jolie is saving her coupons for a Doc McStuffin's toy and Parker has her heart set on a tiger's blood flavored sno cone.
NIGHT #4:: HORRIBLE.  it was raining off and on and we are not a fan at all about the rain and thunder over here.. but Jolie had me up about 6 times and Parker just once.  the next morning I told the girls to go get their sleep coupons off their dresser and turn them in to me since they didn't sleep through the night. they handed them over and I told them that we would try again that night.

the reward.

2 coupons :: 30 minutes of iPad time

3 coupons :: ice cream or sno cone

6 coupons :: nail salon for a mani and a pedi with mama

9 coupons :: trip to target to pick out a toy of their choice 

12 coupons :: movie date night + pop corn and candy

I had my girl Sarah, creative brain at CKFireboots, put together the perfect little coupon for us to use- complete with unique personalization + darling little figure on the front.  I designed them with the girls' favorite colors in mind and dressed in cute little pajamas.  you can find the custom listing for these sleep coupons HERE!
I downloaded the PDF and sent them over to office max or something of the like to be printed and laminated so they will hold up well with use.

AND, before I forget, Sarah so graciously offered my readers a discount!
use code MASSEY10 for 10% off your entire purchase.
(btw: everything in her shop is ridiculously affordable with or without the discount code!)

I'm really excited for the girls and for this random trial and error with the sleep coupons.  we haven't spent any coupons YET, but when we do I think it is going to really drive home the point of this method with the girls.

as always, I want to hear from other mamas about their experiences with sleep! send me all the tips and tricks:)

update | p + j

finally, right? 

I'm writing this to give a much warranted update (even though there isn't much an update to offer on Jolie), but also because we have been going through some emotional things with both Parker and Jolie that I hope to never have to deal with again, but if I do, I'll be able to walk through this experience with knowledge and someplace to look back on if I write all this out on paper.. err, the internet.  I started this blog as a documentation of our life, but also as a place for ME to look back on of memories as well as for times when I'm thinking to myself (in regards to the other two babies in the house) "what the heck did I do (in this situation) with the twins?"  I read the monthly updates of all the kids more often than you might think, ha!

many of you have been praying, emailing, messaging about Jolie and I am SO thankful.  we have been covered in prayer and those prayers have been felt!  I don't want you to think that I'm just dangling you along and carrying on our merry way when our daughter has been going through some very scary things for a 4 and a half year old.  because thats not the case. 

not.at.all. 

Jolie Grace

there is little update to give, and honestly I wish I had more to type here about her. 

a couple things.. NO FEVERS.  its been three weeks of a completely fever free Jolie. YES.  AND she has been acting more of herself as far as my normal joyful JoJo versus the BEAR of a child we witnessed during the last several months. we finally made an appointment with a rheumatologist for OCTOBER.. and I'm sure the poor lady setting our appointment could tell my frustration with that time frame and quickly asked if I would like to be on the cancellation list.

"um, yes.  thank you."

after running through some details and events over the last several weeks with our pediatrician she thinks that autoimmune could be a stretch.  OK, so more unknown and misinformation and a complete reach for a diagnosis.  don't get me wrong- I am positive they are seeking the greatest possible care for our girl and finding a diagnosis is at the top of their list, but they just don't know what to do because her symptoms are very inconsistent.  the west nile virus has now been thrown on the table.  its a very violent disease and apparently there are two types- one is viral and presents like what Jolie has suffered with and the other attacks your nervous system and is completely debilitating- much like meningitis. I've watched a friend deal with the latter and it is the scariest thing I've ever witnessed in my life. so, in this situation, I am thankful Jolie doesn't have that.  while, health wise, things are looking up for our girl, emotionally she's wrecked.  I was walking through all this with Jordan (we talk about it daily it seems..) and have placed blame on ourselves for not explaining to sweet Jolie about what she was going through.  dozens of doctors and procedures and blood draws.. putting her little body in tube after tube for tests and never once did we really sit her down to walk through what she was about to do or why we were doing these tests on her.  WHY?  WHY didn't I/we explain it???  I think part of it was that I was trying to figure out myself how to process what was happening with her and I completely forgot to include JOLIE in this.

 parenting 101 and I got a BIG FAT 'F'. 

she's been traumatized through her experiences and has now developed severe anxiety thats keeping her connected to my hip 24/7 and up all night long in fear of who knows what.

I can't even sit them down for dinner and walk back to the bedroom to pee without her following me back there in tears because I "was taking too long". if I am putting a baby to bed she will sit outside the room against the wall waiting for me to come out.  bedtime takes about an hour once we get them in bed- the up and down and more reassurance and kisses and hugs.. she's starting in her room but wakes almost nightly with night terrors and screaming, so we basically have a permanent palette on the floor next to the bed.

Parker Jane

she's always been the more emotional one of the two girls.  she's also the sweetest most gentle soul I've ever met.  this girl has SO MUCH love to give.  she also has developed this emotional anger that I have no idea how to control.  this started after the first weekend we separated them to take Jolie to the hospital over several days for tests and exams.  they had never been apart for more than 24 hours and Parker was with her BB and Papa for 3.5 days.  we FaceTimed and sent pictures, of course. the person Jolie cried for after coming out of her first CT scan wasn't mom or dad or BB, it was Parker.

"I need my Parker."

we FaceTimed Parker and they were both in tears before the call was over.  

the twin bond is very real.

after Baker was born Parks had some anxiety just to the extent that she needed a little extra love before bedtime, but this time its overwhelming the amount of stress this girl has. my going back to work has put her over the edge, coupled with Jolie getting extra attention, PLUS a new baby.. its a lot for her little heart to handle right now. I've gone on multiple dates, just Parker and me. Jordan has done the same and her BB has picked her up a time or two just to spend some quality one on one time.  all those things have helped!

goodbyes and bedtime are the most stressful time of the day. leading up to me leaving for work or saying good bye to the nanny (she's with them three days a week) can last up to 20 minutes and still end in a tantrum because I didn't wave from my car goodbye or say I love you eleven hundred times.. even though I DID.
the tantrums.  so bad that I've googled "psychiatric disorders in children related to tantrums".

truth. 

one time she was throwing a fit so out of control that it took me and her Papa holding her down in the carseat to buckle her in and then she puked all over my car in exhaustion from screaming so much.   she freaked out on me at 2am one night (of course when Jordan was at the fire station) when I told her to go back to her bed and that tantrum consisted of nearly kicking a hole in the wall, woke everyone in the house and lasted over 60 minutes.  she's lashed out at her sisters. kicked the nanny.  told me she hated me numerous times..
thrown food all over the floor and destroyed a handful of toys.
life has been TOUGH. as tough as its been for me and the rest of the house, I know that she's having an even harder time trying to process her feelings.  we recently met with a social worker in hopes she could offer some help and insight as to how we should be dealing with her- because nothing is working!  thankfully, after she assessed her history and chatted with her a bit she didn't think this was a permanent emotional disorder.  girlfriend is just really anxious. 
in turn, we have changed the way we do bedtime (reading stories, no television, sleeping in our own bed) and have started practicing saying goodbye and good night so they don't last forever and end in distress.  I've also begun reading a recommended book 'anxious kids, anxious parents' and have come up with tools to help Parker work through her emotions while also keeping my cool.. it is SO EASY to lose my mind on this girl when she is misbehaving.
theres a FINE line between discipline and managing Parker's fits.
good news is that the tantrums have subsided from everyday multiple times a day to less often.  I think/hope that we've been able to make her feel comfortable enough to work through whatever emotions she's dealing with at the moment as well as diverting her attention to something else, which is actually working really well. 

obviously, you all basically see the 2x2 happy highlights of our life- and why shouldn't you??

assumptions can easily be made by what it looks like from those posts, and yes while most of the time we are living a happy life, you will not see the time when Parker has torn her room to shreds and taken a bite out of my leather couch in pure uncontrollable anger and frustration..

I'll also spare you the terrifying moments when Jolie is running through the house screaming "MOMMY!!!" in fear searching for me at 1:37am in the morning because she's had yet another night terror.

tears are rolling down my cheeks as I type and relive some of these events of the last month or so- partly because I have never been this stressed out and exhausted in my life and also because I feel vulnerable to share all this after I get many complements for how well I handle 4 children.. well here it is:: I feel completely hopeless as a parent.  not in my wildest dreams would I think that I would be dealing with this kind of thing EVER, but here we are.  I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I can.  I've got some happy and healthy kids- life is chugging right along and I'm loving being a mom to Parker, Jolie, Baker, and Brady.  BUT- do not assume that I have my crap together because I most definitely DO NOT. tomorrow I'll follow up this post with something light and cheery, lets talk about makeup or food.. or what we did over the weekend! but not because I'm sweeping over the hard stuff in my life, but because its helpful to remain positive during the hard times Jordan and I have been dealing with. we have a very strong faith and leaning on each other as well as pressing hard into the Lord allows us to keep a smile on our face. it is EASY to fall into the doom and gloom "poor pitiful Amber".. but we won't.  life moves on with or without us and dwelling on something like this is easy, trust me.  

the good, which is about 90% of the time is SO GOOD.  we are so blessed and life is SO good.. just going through some tough stuff right now.

we will get through this stage of life and move forward.. looking back to forget the really hard stuff and focus on how we grew as parents, in our marriage, and as a family from this experience.

parker + jolie's big girl room | reveal!

I am so excited to share Parker and Jolie's big girl room!  I am really really REALLY proud of Jordan for all the hard work he has put into building (literally) this space for our girls.. shout out to the most handy husband ever.  I could brag on him all day for how good everything came together!  he basically took over my twins room pinterest board and came up with the most amazing style bunk bed for this room.  

you can find the original inspiration for their big girl room HERE:)

Parker and Jolie's room isn't very big, but I guess when you have two of everything and something crammed on every wall space it would seem a little full.  we've been talking about creating a room with space saving as the focus and finally pulled the trigger.  I mentioned before that building a nursery as a first time mom was much different than what I experienced with Baker and now Brady. I was on bed rest very early on in my pregnancy (24 weeks) and didnt really get to lay hands on and plan a nursery the way I got to with the last two babes..until now!  

I stuck to the same color scheme as I had originally envisioned:

lots of coral + mint green and turquoise + shades of purple

..and I added in grays + whites for their big girl update.

their bed is as big as it looks.  if we ever move from our cozy little home we will have to tear this beast down in pieces.  after scouring the internet for an affordable but decent looking bunk bed that would fit our space, Jordan finally decided he was going to build one.

from scratch.

I was terrified, because while he is very handy this kind of project is a serious overhaul! I am hoping he can remember the supplies and measurement details he used so I can eventually share the DIY for this amazing (and sturdy!) bed.  I take zero credit for the planning/style/building of this bed- it was definitely all Jordan!

I have shared my love for Beddy's before and here I go again:)  when we moved Parker and Jolie to "big girl" twin beds before Baker was born I fell in love with the ease, durability, and "all in one"option of their bedding sets and when I decided to update their bedding again I knew exactly where I wanted to go.  not to mention, Beddy's is the perfect option for a bunk bed.  the sleek elastic around the entire bottom edge keeps the bedding in place like a fitted sheet and the zippers on both sides allows for very easy making of the bed.  it leaves me without covers sprawled everywhere that I'm trying to tuck and fold to keep their room looking put together.

in fact.. the twins "make" their beds every morning with just the zip of the side zippers.  I, of course, help them arrange the pillows but otherwise its a very simple task for them to be responsible for.

after Jordan finished the bunk bed I gave him another handy task: building book shelves.  I confess that I have tagged and pinned bookshelves in every single nursery + playroom inspiration board I've created but have never followed through.  I sent the hubby a picture of a set of corner bookshelves and the next day he made that inspiration come to life!  every morning since we arranged their favorite books into these shelves I've come to find the girls snuggled in bed reading to each other.  its absolutely darling and brings me so much joy!

other things.. we updated this old mirror thats been hanging in our master bedroom for the last 5 years with a couple cans of white spray paint and found it's perfect place in this room.  those large wood frames were a DIY their BB made for the original nursery and we painted them + updated the colors to pull out more of the coral in the room.  up until now I've had newborn pictures of Parker and Jolie hanging in these frames.  long overdue for an update!

another hubby DIY: that mini dress up clothing rack.  I was browsing to just buy one an Jordan had enough left over wood an paint from the bed and bookshelves to throw that together too.. 

he gets so many brownie points, you guys.

THIS dresser!  it was originally purchased at a garage sale 5 years ago and has sat in the twins' closet as extra storage since then.  with the height of the bed on the opposite wall we thought to move it out of the closet and give it a little update with new paint and some updated drawer pulls.  most of whats on top of that dresser is courtesy of the dollar spot at target.. and after browsing for last minute details for the girls room at hobby lobby I found a tiered basket to throw their bows into. we have a few baskets in their closet that is overflowing with bows.. they have so many and I tend to just grab the same ones over and over because they are just sitting on top, but this way I can see what the options are.

I've sort of become obsessed with paper fans and couldn't resist these from shop sweet lulu to finish off the final details of their room.. pulling all the colors together!

they absolutely love their new space and spend a lot of time in here playing dress up in front of that mirror and reading their books.  not to mention how BIG they feel to sleep in their "big girl bunk beds".  I love this room!  every time I walk by I catch myself slowing a bit just to admire it a little.  

no better way to celebrate becoming big sisters for the second time around than this!

photography by: b faith photography 

wall paint // benjamin moore sanctuary
P + J wood signs //  painted SW cooled blue

bunk beds // DIY

gold metallic wall decals c/o urban walls

circle star rug c/o lorena canals rugs

chic gray bedding c/o beddy's beds

perfectly miss matched pillow set c/o beddy's beds

throw pillows // pillowfort by target

framed P+J // hobby lobby

corner shelving // DIY

wooden toy cameras c/o willow + bass

coral + white frames // DIY (painted SW coral reef)

dress up rack // DIY

rainbow banner c/o pearl + jane

"go out and paint the stars" custom sign c/o tucker up + co.

tutus  c/o trevi ave co

dresser // garage sale + painted SW cooled blue

knobs // hobby lobby

coral lamp // hobby lobby

tiered bow basket // hobby lobby

paper fans // shop sweet lulu

"smarty locks and the unforgettable zoo" book c/o Marilyn Harary

Parker & Jolie's Paint Party

Parker + Jolie are FOUR and we celebrated over the weekend in the most colorful way!! I've thrown a lot of parties and this one has got to be the best and most fun YET!  the girls are at a pretty perfect age for this kind of activity party.. we kept the group small this year in hopes to keep the chaos contained:) 

of course, the usual focal point for my parties. how darling are these paper pinwheels and the ART in pARTy banner?! the rainbow of colors made this party so fun to plan and decorate!

bottle brush trees = heart eyes! you better believe these trees have made their way into my regularly rotating Christmas decor.

the breakfast menu

build your own (giant) buttermilk biscuits

butter+ honey + apricot jam + strawberry jam + peach jam

mini quiche

pigs in a blanket

mini cinnamon rolls

breakfast burritos

sausage + egg + cheese // bacon + egg + cheese // biscuit + egg + cheese

brunch punch

7up + orange juice + white grape juice 

coffee + hot chocolate 

cream + sugar

when I ordered breakfast burritos for the party I was under the impression that they were smaller.. like tacos.  when I got them home and ready to serve I realized they weren't at all like tacos and definitely like giant burritos! I ordered two dozen of each meat (read: seventy two burritos) expecting everyone to have 2 or 3.. because they are small, right? 

lets just say we will be eating burritos for three meals/day for the next week.

the perfect addition to the party! Sarah did an amazing job on this custom sign- and I cannot wait to hang this in the twins' room!

Jordan and his dad have been painting (on the side of firefighting) for years and years.  papa has a ton of drop cloths he was willing to let us use. we laid one under the table and wrapped another over the top. 

time for our twelve little artists to make their own masterpiece!  it was pretty chilly on Saturday morning, but Jordan set up the heaters at each end of the table, and all the kiddos bundled up and painted away while the adults sipped their cocoa and coffee.  its really hit or miss with December in Texas.  the twins' first birthday was canceled/rescheduled a week later due to 12 inches of snow.. their second birthday was 70 degrees, and last year on their third birthday it was a perfect 60 degrees + sunny afternoon.
this year it was about 45 and overcast.  but we made it work:)

the table top easels and blank canvas for each guest was such a fun activity to do for everyone!  even Miss Baker got in one the painting action- and she was just darling!

happy birthday, dear Parker + Jolie!! 

it was just the best day celebrating these girls.  they had an absolute BLAST!

CREDITS

photography by b faith photography

invitations + food labels: CK Fireboots

ART in pARTy banner c/o pearl + jane

fabric pennant banners c/o pearl + jane 

"4" cake topper pick c/o pearl + jane

bottle brush trees: shop sweet lulu

paper pinwheels: shop sweet lulu

cake: homemade c/o my best girl, Jacqueline!

wooden cake forks: tulle + twig

breakfast plates: shop sweet lulu

breakfast napkins: shop sweet lulu

cake plates: shop sweet lulu 

cake napkins: shop sweet lulu

paper straws: shop sweet lulu

paper cups: shop sweet lulu

party favor (popcorn) boxes:  shop sweet lulu

confetti popcorn: lonestar popcorn (local)

"paint the stars" custom wooden sign c/o tucker up & co

mini paint palettes: amazon 

paint brushes: amazon

paint aprons: amazon 

painted mason jars: painted paint brush

table easels: amazon

8x10 blank canvas: hobby lobby