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mama confessions v

pouring my second cup of coffee before 7am- and my house is asleep. it sounds like a healthy blend of an air field, the beach, and a rainforest.  we have four sound machines going (Brady has two in his room.. because the other banshee babes that rule this house don't often know the definition of "inside voice") and a couple of fans blowing.  not sure when I will have a silent house again. when the kids slept at their BB's last week and the house was 100% silent I found myself turning on all the sound machines in each room.. after almost 5 years of hearing them I've come to want them on for myself! 

after breaking up the fiftieth argument between the girls before lunch time I said to myself "I'm going to lose my mind today, I think". 
Parker politely popped off "just a little bit, mom." 

I get asked all the time how I get such great 'volume' and hold curl to my hair.. well, I've got a ton of texture and I attribute that to the fact that I started coloring my hair when I was 15 years old.  anyone remember Sun In?  my natural color is dark brown and I went to the beach with some family friends over the summer and came back with orange hair. eleven bottles of Sun-In later my dad sent me to the salon to have it professionally corrected.
Baker playing with a toy camera while we waited on breakfast:
"smaal JOWEE! kahkar, smaall! (smile jolie! Parker, smile!)
you want canneee?!" (you want candy??!)

while getting ready for the day Parker is always right under my feet.
Parker: mom, do I look pretty?
me: SO pretty. 
Parker: okay, well, you look pretty too, mom! just a little bit, tho..
it didn't take long for Baker to get on board with the bodily functions..
anytime Baker smells something gross she always blames it on me.  always.  
thanks, Jordan.

Parker complains about wedges ALL THE TIME. 
mom. I have wedgies all the time. how can we correct this?

I hate baths. I really want to love them. but I just cannot bring myself to enjoy a bath. no amount of bubbles + bombs can get me into the tub.  we've lived in this house for over 5 years and I have yet to get in the tub for anything more than a photoshoot of my pregnant belly.

Baker: I'm hungry!
Me: what would you like for dinner, Baker?
Baker: ummmmmm.. 
Baker: RANCH!

Parker: mom. do you have kids?
Dad: I've got four kids!
Parker:  whoa. why?

I could throw myself into a wall to make the repeated "mom mom mom mom mom mommy mommy MOMMMMYYY" STOP.  it comes with the territory of having a litter of children, but omg.
just saying.
Parker is very particular about how she wants her hair done these days.  there is always a discussion about how she will wear it and if their isn't I pay for it after the fact.  
Parker: mom- I want a clip in my hair. Just one clip, mom. NO PONY. I want to look beautiful mom. 
me: like this, Parker? 
Parker: yes. high five, mom. 

Jolie: when I get big I'm just gonna wear all your clothes, kay?
..and when I get big I don't wear underwear like you, mom.  KAY?
we use the "OK to wake clock" to give the kids the alert when its okay to come out of bed. its set for 7:15am and the twins push the limit on it nearly every morning
Jolie: mom- that green light is taking too long.
me: Jolie, the green light isn't on, so you are supposed to be in bed still until it comes on.
  Jolie: well, obviously its broke. so you're just going to have to get me my chocolate milk now. 

Jolie: we watched a lot of shows today. I feel like it's time to go outside. 

Parker counting to her fingers and toes..
"I have four fingers and ten toes!"

frustrated with Parker for throwing a fit over who knows what..
I don't even know who you are when you act like that. 
Parker: I AM Parker Jane, MOM!! 

we have a behavioral clip chart hanging on the laundry room door (like this one!). the idea is that each child's clip moves from a color when behavior is changed.. our amazing nanny is about to graduate with her degree in elementary education and she made it for the girls when she was coming several days a week.  after the first week of using it Parker was explaining the concept to me:
mom. where is you clip? I'm going to make you one. so that when you be mean to us you have to move you clip to the BRAT page.  
bedtime is a collaborative effort. Jordan and I usually divide and conquer and often times our goodnight kisses and hugs overlap.  I walked into Baker + Jordan singing their usual "Jesus loves me" before bed and I laid down next to Baker to snuggle her.  she gave me a quick squeeze of my neck and looked me square in the face and said
"can you get out?"


Crisp Snaps said...

Oh yes, the good old days of Sun In! So glad they are past. OMG Baker. That last quote of hers had me in stitches.

Ashley D said...

You want candy?! �� Ooooh sweet Baker you're getting too big for your britches girl!

Kelly Smith said...

Oh, I am laughing so hard I have tears! Yes, yes to all of it. Mostly, the "can you get out" and the "Brat page" and the "mom mom mom mom mom..." - I'm totally in your boat. I get it! My babies make me laugh till I cry and cry till I laugh. Love this post. Thank you.

Unknown said...

Loved reading these! Can relate to so many!

Katy Wright said...

Hahaha these are the best!! I only have one right now and heard "mom mom mom momma mom mom" 15 times this morning and I almost lost it.

A reader from Georgia . . . said...

So funny about the white noise. I have slept with a fan blowing since college but didn't really know anyone else "addicted" to white noise. Now an entire generation is being raised on white noise! (And machines or apps are so much better than a fan because as any fan sleeper knows, all fans squeak eventually:))

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