the secret is out!

we've kept the biggest secret of our lives for the last 13 weeks and its probably been the hardest thing we've ever done.  okay, maybe not THE HARDest but pretty hard.  keeping a secret like this from everyone, including the grandparents and our closest friends is outrageous, especially when this belly is already popping. 

I found out I was pregnant really early.. in and amongst the crazy of the fourth of July holiday and Baker's birthday I had completely forgotten when I was supposed to test or even start my period.  we started trying when my cycle came back after weaning Baker- back in April/May when my first period came back.  I had never bought those ovulation kits let alone had a single clue about how to use them- I hadn't ovulated normally in over 10 years (on my own), so how was I supposed to know?!

anyway.  my period came back like clockwork- already totally different than my experience with the twins.  I was put on medication to initiate my cycle after they weaned at 13 months and it still didn't come back after 2 months of medication and then FINALLY it came.

so, getting it on my own and then again on the exact day the following month was such a surprise to me.  the only thing was.. I would have my period for 4-8 days (I was always 2-4 days MAX) and then  exactly 6 days after I would spot.  and the spotting would last 3 days. 

totally TMI, but it all makes sense together, I promise. 

so, after google completely FAH-reaked me out I made an appointment with my OB to get checked out to see why in the world I was constantly spotting on the same days of the month so close to my normal period.  I needed blood work and a sonogram and, again, my OB freaked me out because along with google she was also telling me that spotting was not normal.

here we are in June now.  life was insane.  got another negative pregnancy test and then my period came again.. and then the spotting came as well. for some reason that day (it was a wednesday.. no idea why I remember that) I decided to take an ovulation test.  I had been testing for ovulation between day 9-11, and always getting a positive, but still wasn't pregnant. ANYWAY, on day 6 after my period I took an ovulation test and sure enough it was positive.  I texted my nurse and confided in google once again and both confirmed that spotting could be a sign of ovulation.

July.

I had a shift at the hospital everyday that week and Jordan had just left for bootcamp and I decided to take a test.  I was about four days before my missed period.. but took one anyway because I'm OCD and cant wait for ANYthing. 

the lightest most faint line showed after 4 minutes.

I confess to taking a test about every day for the next two weeks..and then 2-3 times/week after that.  I swear I'm not crazy I just was severely anxious about it all- it gave me the peace of mind in seeing the positive pregnancy test once again. 

stop judging me. 

we saw this sweet baby's heartbeat at 7 weeks, and then did another sonogram at almost 12 weeks.  little thing was wiggling and rolling from front to back and shared the same tiny profile as the other three babes before it.  that day I did the blood test for genetic abnormalities, but also to determine gender.  I had always had our perinatologist determine the gender and she was always correct, but for whatever reason I was adamant to do the blood test this time around.  I just had this feeling I needed to know FOR SURE.. even though my peri had never been wrong before.  my nurse said it would take about 3 business days before the results would come back, so I made my perinatologist appointment around that day so I could swing by and pick up the results..

they weren't ready. so my peri gave me her 95% guess, as she always had, and sealed it in an envelope and we were on our way. the next day the results came in, so I made a special trip to pick them up. so now we have two envelopes- but the blood results were the only FOR SURE results we needed. part of me was just going to wait and get them in a couple weeks and use what the perinatologist had determined so I didnt have to make the trip.. but I did anyway. 

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back track to about 7 weeks ago.. I was chatting with Jordan about how we should tell and when and mentioned that we should just keep the entire thing a big fat secret and surprise everyone with a pregnancy announcement AND a gender reveal!  my birthday is next week (sept 27th) and so inviting everyone over to watch college football and eat tacos for "my birthday" was the plan to get everyone at the house- and then bust out with the surprise after dinner. 

invites were sent for "football, tacos, + beer"

I ordered two balloons, one filled with pink and one filled with blue and took both balloons to be filled with the gender confirmation sealed in the envelope.  I told the guy behind the counter to just toss whatever balloon was unused away because we did not want to know and picked up a single balloon a couple hours before the party.

.. so now the only thing left was to actually keep it a secret. 

and that we did!  Jordan got everyone to come outside so we could sing happy birthday (so dumb because I'm turning 32 and dont need to blow out a candle but we had no other idea- ha!)

we did actually sing to me.  I did actually blow out a candle.. and then we spilled the beans.

..and it was SO awkward. 

no one knew what was happening or if the entire thing was a big fat joke.

even after I brought the giant balloon out from hiding in my closet I still had people looking at me with saucer eyeballs going "we are finding out RIGHT NOW?!"

my father in law followed the balloon around going- this is a joke, right? they are kidding, right??

I think it finally sank in.  and the freak out of excitement came out.

..see the whole thing wasn't a total LIE.. we did eat tacos and you can see football on the television behind us- ha!

there were a couple of super close girlfriends of mine that couldn't make the party so I told them a couple days before and promised to FaceTime for the big reveal!

I was dying.  between feeling like I was going to puke the entire day and then not having eaten AT ALL.. and the pressure to hide my bump that was completely NOT hide-able at this point.

I could have cried watching Jordan loose his mind.  he would have been 100% excited for our fourth baby girl on the way- he's the most amazing girl dad in our world and another baby girl would be such a cool blessing, but about a week ago he confided in me, with actual tears in his eyes, that he really wanted a baby boy.  he's the "last Massey" and the name dies with him.  so there was more than just baseball + hunting + digging for worms + dirty feet for him in his desire for a baby boy. 

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I've got to learn how to be LESS expressive in my excitement.  the last gender reveal my mouth was open in every picture.  its quite comical.. 

papa was SO excited and the first one in line to give me the biggest bear hug.  he was also the final baby in a house with 4 older sisters.  

our baby boy is following in true Massey style.

BOY.  what in the world am I going to do with a boy?!

doesn't matter.  I'm going to love him SO BIG.  I cannot even begin to express our excitement over this crazy adventure ahead!!

..after everyone left and the crazy died down I opened the 95% results from our perinatologist JUST to see what she had "guessed". 

girl.  

wouldn't that have been funny? 

photography // b faith photography

balloon + ombre tassel // gewoon

mama + mini kimono set c/o haberdash soul co

striped tunic c/o white plum (similar)

moto leggings c/o pinkblush maternity

booties c/o famous footwear