Last Saturday I FINALLY went and got my hair done. It had been since mid-February that I had a cut and color. My last appointment was scheduled for over a month ago- but I had major mommy-guilt and cancelled it. Anyone ever have that? Anyone? Bueller?
I couldn't bring myself to leave my girls while I went and spent some time on me. A total 180 from this time last year- going every 6-8 weeks like clock work. Not so much anymore. My poor sylist was dealing with a major mess of a mop- but she cleaned it up nicely and I got some highlights for summer. Ohhhh, I cannot wait for summer.
Wednesday marked one year since I took a pregnancy test. After 4 years of trying my dream of becoming a mommy came to life. These two are the light of my world and I LOVE being their momma.
After an overwhelming response to a post I made on Instagram regarding the Cry It Out method of parenting, I've decided that there is no right or wrong way to parent your kids, and I am definitely NOT the expert. I didn't intend it to be a controversial thing or something to raise eyebrows, because thats not who I am. Never really one to ruffle anyone's feathers. It was simply just another picture to share about whats going on in my life at the moment- like I do pretty much on a daily basis. Most of the comments were very encouraging and supportive, and I was so very thankful for the outpouring love of some of my IG followers, but there were a few posts/comments that were downright hateful and mean. Even though there were only a handful, I wear my heart on my sleeve and those linger and hurt the most. I always feel confident in my decisions on how to parent, but of course those few individuals that made a point to tell me what a terrible mother I am to treat my girls in this way and in turn made me question MY decisions on how to raise MY babies because it is what I feel is best. I was home alone the next night while Jordan was at the fire station and I found myself crying when it was time to put the girls down- questioning if I was doing something wrong or hurtful to my babies- because that is the last thing I would ever want to do.
Yes, my profile is public and yes, I have a wide and heavy range of followers- so I could only expect to have opinions shared, but my friend and fellow twin momma Meredith said it best when she said:
The day I became a mom I became a supporter of other moms. I didn't look at them as competition, I looked at them--at us--as an alliance. We are a group of women with different backgrounds, different beliefs, and different values, with one very important thing in common: we love our kids. To me, as long as you love your kid, I'm your biggest supporter....
...Support each other. Love one another. And the next time you feel the need to say something negative, smile instead and tell that mom she's doing an amazing job.
I am no expert at motherhood, but I do know what works for me and my family and that is all that matters. I saw this on Pinterest last night and decided it was totally fitting:
So proud of her.
Linking up with Lauren Elizabeth for High Five 4 Friday
25 comments:
I love reading your blog & catching up!! Its so very hurtful when other mothers are so judgemental, as you said we should all be supportive. Every child is different just like ever person. We did cry it out with my son when he was around 1. I wish we would have done it earlier. It was most definitely one of the hardest things I've ever had to do, I would cry while he did but my husband was very supportive & we constantly reassured each other. And after 2-3 nights he was sleeping through & we were all doing much better. You have to do whats right for you & your babies:)
I read Meredith's post the other day and had no idea she was talking about you-don't know how I missed all that drama on IG! I know I question myself as a mom all the time but my goodness-I always expect other mamas to have my back! I had a similar experience on Facebook a few months ago and was shocked at how RUDE and hurtful people can be...and I only have friends and family on Facebook so it was people I know "in real life"...I also spent the night in tears! Loved your hubby's response-josh and I focus on putting our marriage first as well and we feel that's the best thing we can do for max and eli! Keep your head up-you are a wonderful mama and Parker and Jolie are BLESSED to have you!
So evidently I totally missed all that drama on instagram. But as soon as I read your blog post I became immediately defensive for you. I was already so angry someone would say awful things to you! So I went and read your instagram. I couldn't even finish it I was getting so angry! Maybe it's the fellow twin mommy in me or the fact that I do know you personally (although briefly) and know what a sweet person you are, but I wanted to whack these crazy people upside the head that were saying these negative things to you. And the ones that said they were unfollowing you I would take as a blessing. They don't deserve to get to see the adorable pics you post of your precious babies anyway! Chin up girl! You are fabulous, not only as a mommy but in all other areas as well!
I read your blog regularly and I have done cry it out with my son. It took one night and completely changed our lives! You do what is right for your family and everyone who truly knows you and how you are as a mom will know that you are putting your babies first. When my done finally would sleep though the night he was actually happy and had energy... It was better for him too! Keep your head up! :)
I'm a mom of twins and they are 12 years old now. Some days I don't know how they (or myself) are still alive. I can't tell you how many times my son fell on his head as a toddler and he's still here. There are so many techniques out there for everything when it comes to a baby. Parents have to try different things to find the one that's right for them and their child. A baby crying, is not neglect. You will soon experience the "witching hour" as your girls get older. It's usually around 5pm and I just remember mine crying and screaming and NOTHING would work to stop it. And it got to the point where I'd put them in their cribs, turn on their little toys on their beds and I'd leave the room and let them cry. I asked my pediatrician about this and he's the one that said "awe..the witching hour" and he said it was just how babies burn that energy at the end of the day. He told me it was totally okay to let them cry. And I remember when my two would stop crying, I'd walk in their room and there they were, all smiles. It was just something they needed to do. And if I asked them now if they remember that..well of course not. It's harder on the parents to hear your child cry than it is on the child. You're doing great and don't ever second guess yourself. There are women out there who will try and bring you down and tell you that you're doing it wrong but that's just their problem. If us moms all did it the wrong way, then why do we all make it to adulthood?
I have to tell you this one story that I tell friends of newborns. One day I was at the grocery store, picking up some baby food. My twins were probably 6-7 months old. An older lady, probably in her 70's, approached me and told me I was wasting my time on buying baby food and when she had her babies, she brought them home from the hospital and fed them mashed potatoes and gravy. It was so hard for me not to laugh and I was picturing a tiny newborn with someone trying to force mashed potatoes and gravy down their throats. I had to ask her.."so, your kids are all grown now right?" She said yes. I said "and are they all over weight?" and she said yes. Hmmm wonder how that started?? lol Don't let other moms bring you down. They don't know your girls like you do. There is no perfect mom or perfect child, we all just do our best to get through life. Just wait until your girls are in the preteen ages..it's much harder than trying to get them to sleep. It's a whole other topic. :)
Oh and my twins are Douglas babies. I read where you went to Dr. Douglas. I did too..got pg through IVF.
I have been reading your blog since 2009 and am a huge fan! I don't have kids (yet!) but when I do, I hope that I am half the mom that you are. You are amazing - I admire your faith, your attitude, and everything in between. I hope you feel better and know you have a huge supporter in Iowa!
YES!! We are allies! Not competitors! Love it!!
You are an amazing momma and friend! I love you and those babies to pieces and they love you so, so much!! Haters gon' hate :)
Amber, I am a blog reader and follower on Instagram. I can tell by your posts everyday how much you love and adore your girls. Being a parent is not easy, especially to multiples but you make it work. Please don't let the negativity of others bring you down. You are Super Mom! Keep doing what your doing, and we as a community will continue to support the Massey Family! Thanks for putting out such great content!
I have been a follower for quite some time and love reading about your family!! I can see through your posts how much your husband and you love an adore your little girls and would do whatever possible for them!! Some people will always be rude and negative but you got to believe you are doing what is best for your family!! I bet alot of those women are raising one baby and not two newborns!!! We just found out we are expecting twins and hope to be an amazing mother as you!! Keep doing what you do- you are an amazing mamma and it definetely shows!'
Wow! I just went back to your IG and read all the comments. These women are so horrible. Not everyone parents the same. So judgmental! I have never once seen you judge ANY other mother. I can't get over how awful they were to you! Don't worry about it you have many other women standing right behind you. So sorry you have to go through this. You have a beautiful family! Good job Mama!
Ps. I have three children and have always done the CIO method. They are definitely not "damaged!"
I think your a great mom! I follow you on IG and love all the pictures! Thats awful those women need to say things, your doing a great job -- It shows in the girls!!
Try your best to ignore the haters! I love reading your blog and can see you are a wonderful mommy :) Keep up the adorable pics and stories because there are many, many, many followers who enjoy seeing them! By the way, where did you get your blue striped shirt and blue scarf? LOVE that outfit!!!!
http://www.briannamattias.blogspot.com/
Your hair is seriously gorgeous!!
You raise your kids how you see best fit and that's all that matters =)
HI! We have started to try the CIO method with our twin girls! They are 6 months old and waking up for their pacifier in the middle of the night. We have tried placing a halo of pacifiers around them, yet they just don't grab them! Any ideas or suggestions? Love your blog! My girls are just a month or two older that your twin girls. :) Happy Blogging, Momma!
Amber, I must say that you are truly an inspiration at all moms out there, me included! You are a working mom of twins! That is amazing! Thank you for opening up your private life and allowing your followers to be a part of this journey. Never question your mama instincts. They are usually right. Keep loving those girls with all you have!
My daughter cried it out, a lot. She now sleeps like a dream!!! I guess I must have done something right with all that crying ;)
Amber,
I am a new mom also and I just want you to know that you are such an encouragement to me. I started following you through your pregnancy and continue to follow you to see your beautiful family. Though you don't know many of us - we adore you and think you are wonderful and gracious. I am sorry to have read about your bad week ...but don't let it get you down . The journey we are now on is our own , though many women have done it before it is our time to do what is best for our little ones and our families. I am glad I ran across your picture one day on Pinterest - God is using you in such great ways! Enjoy your weekend.
Elizabeth
Haters gonna hate. You just keep doing what you think is best for your babies, because you're the mama and no one knows them better than you. There is not a shadow of doubt in my mind, from reading your blog, that you love your girls with ever fiber of your being and will do anything for them. And if that includes CIO to improve their sleep habits, who is anyone to pass judgment.
To quote on of my favorite lines from Sex & the City, "If I worried what every bitch in Manhattan thought of me, I'd never leave my apartment." Keep it up, mama!
Keep doing what you're doing, Amber. You will always have someone who disagrees with your parenting style, but that is just it, it is YOUR parenting style and YOUR girls and what you think is best for their well being and happiness is up to you, not some stranger who somehow feels entitled to shove their opinion down everyone's throat. So don't pay any attention. You have a beautifu, healthy, happy family and that's all that matters.
Many blessings.
I saw all the hate that was being posted on your Instagram and it was completely disgusting. No one should judge another person by the choices that they make in regards to their parenting, YOU and your husband are the parents of your adorable little girls, we all know how hard the two of you have worked to bring them into this world and without a doubt know that you wouldn't do anything that in your hearts didn't feel was in their best interest. It is sad and unfortunate that people feel that it is in any way their right to bash someone and their choices. We can all see how much you love your little girls, more power to you.
p.s. I loved how your hubby weighed in, what a guy!
I don't judge anyone for the methods they use but even experts who thought up cry it out don't recommend it for babies under 6 months old.
I just have to say that I let both my kids cry it out and they are the BEST sleepers. There were nights I questioned if it was the right thing to do. There were nights where I knew their crying wasn't going to stop, so I went in and snuggled or nursed them. But I swear they are the best sleepers because I did it.
I really don't understand why people get so fired up about it. You are doing the right thing! And for those who don't do CIO, to each his own!
I don't always get the chance to comment on every post because I read your blog in a quick daily scroll but I assure you, I read every single one! I just can't not comment on this one...
you're doing a great job!! I love how you ended the post and my heart broke for you as I read those disgusting comments. It really is a sad thing when people feel the need to act so high and mighty above others (which really makes them look even lower than low). So sad. You are doing a fabulous job and I loved your friend's response and that closing quote gave me goosebumps and teary eyes. Keep your head up, beautiful girl. I can't imagine raising twins and being as successful of a mom as you are! xoxox
PS - your friend really does throw an amazing party! love all the decor. She is the one I stole our wedding colors from ;)
I'm a true attachment mommy, through and through. My 4.5 month old sleeps with me in bed and I get constant criticism such as "you will smush him or suffocate him." So we are doing quite opposite things and still receiving criticism. You know your girls, just as I know my son. I respect your parenting even though we do just a few things differently. I prefer to think about the things we do alike!
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